Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
