Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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