It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
