Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
