im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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