it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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