you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
