Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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