Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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