You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
