It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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