so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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