My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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