are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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