He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
