I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
