peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
