Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
