Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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