You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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