Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
