I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
