I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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