wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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