I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
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Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.