That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties