oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!