"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.