Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.