billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
