I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
