Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
