my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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