Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
