he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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