Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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