My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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