On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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