My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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