I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
