i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
