i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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