Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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