i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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