capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
