So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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