thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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