Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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