The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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