Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
