I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
