thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
