Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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