I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
