so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
