do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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