My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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