Your dad touched me again.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
