areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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