I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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