weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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