this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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