I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
