After last night, I could never be a politician.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
