How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
