either way he was missing a nipple.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
