I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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