Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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