im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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