Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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