And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
