drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
