I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
FUCK WHALES
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
