Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
