Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
