Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
