I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
