ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
