I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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