I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
